Avoiding Friday Night Fights - Part 5: Time for Timeout
Sometimes when we find ourselves in a heated argument with our spouse, we are so physically and emotionally wound-up that we will say something that we can’t take back later. You know how awful it feels afterwards when you go back to your spouse and try and make amends for what you said or did earlier that has damaged the relationship. These situations should be avoided at all cost, and one way to do this is through taking a timeout. Yes, this sounds just like the timeout tha
Avoiding Friday Night Fights - Part 4: The 4 Signs You Are Headed for Divorce
Do you know what characteristics of a relationship can predict a couple’s likelihood of getting a divorce? Dr. John Gottman is the world’s leading couple researcher, and he has identified four aspects of couple disagreement that indicate a couple may be headed toward divorce. He has labeled these characteristics the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and they include, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism is when a complaint is attributed to a personal
Avoiding Friday Night Fights - Part 3: Listen to Understand
Couples often get stuck when it comes to resolving issues because they are not listening to understand their spouse. Have you ever found yourself arguing with your partner, and all you are thinking about is what you will say next? This is what people often do naturally but defending one’s point of view does not lead to conflict resolution. In order to break this unhelpful pattern, you must react and respond differently. Instead of planning what you would like to say in respon
Avoiding Friday Night Fights - Part 2: The Best Time to Fight
Are you the type of person who wants to resolve a conflict immediately after it has arisen? Or are you the type of person who needs time to think and organize your feelings before addressing the issue? Couples often have differing conflict resolution styles, and these differences often create more conflict. First, understand that these differences are normal and okay. Although we often feel our way of handling the situation is the ideal way, the other person may think and fee
Avoiding Friday Night Fights - Part 1: Not All Problems Are Solvable
Conflict can take place for a variety of reasons in a marriage. You may argue about something small like whether your partner picks up their dirty clothes in the bathroom, or something larger like your mother-in-law’s tendency to critique how you are raising your children. Big or small, conflict is a regular occurrence in relationships, because relationships are made up of humans and humans are imperfect and complex. You and your spouse will not agree on everything and recogn